Spike Scott

I’m TWO!

Posted on October 10th, 2008 by Spike.
Categories: 2 yrs.

Two years ago I was high on blissful, glorious Fentanyl (oh bless you Mr Fentanyl) waiting for this little guy to make an appearance. It would be another 6 hours (and more blissful drugs) and what a pay off. Perfect, perfect little guy. Funny, smart, loving but most importantly can lift and carry things for Mumma. Just what I ordered!

A short questionnaire.

What’s your name? Spike!
How old are you? One. No, two!
Are you smart or cute? Cute!
Where do you live? Fitzrooooy!
Who do you love? Mumma! Daddy! Papa! Nana! Apple Gig (Uncle Big) Chook, Doools, Tilda, Granny! Rinne! Fugger. Cass-roll. Meow. Arnie (Linda) Kevvy is a new one to the list as is, Tocklate (chocolate)?!

Basically it’s a list of people he knows and likes, he quite often adds the pets, Mardhi (who he calls Marnie - my Nana’s name) and Milo (Helen’s pup). If he’s been to Joe’s that day, he will add Joe’s to the list. One day, even Trams! made the cut.

He loves Play Group, Play School, going for a walk to the park, SLIDES, Fugger, his dummies, water. He loses his tiny mind when Daddy comes home from work. “Daddy! Waaaait (while B takes his jacket off) Belt? (he takes B’s belt off and attempts to roll it up) Now, HUG!” Quite often he will turn to me at that point and say, “Bye Mummy.” He loves loves loves going to Papa and Nana’s. That’s where he drags Dad all around the acreage, from the chook! to the Truck! to the generic outside?

He really couldn’t be much more of anything in any way. Ok, earning a crust would be nice, but we’ll get to that.

Happy second birthday, Spike Riley. You’re so wonderful we could just punch your perfect little face off and eat it.

Lots of love,

Mumma and Daddy. xxoo

5 comments.

Mumsffins!

Posted on September 29th, 2008 by Spike.
Categories: Uncategorized.

Waiting patiently, like a good boy.

Finally! That seemed like 20 minutes or something…

Yum, he reckons. Yum and, “more?!”

Cute as a bugs ear. On a cute bug, not some kind of carnivorous canker-sore infecting bug.

The Bugs Mother xxxx

3 comments.

Where There’s A Bear In There… is Spike.

Posted on August 27th, 2008 by Spike.
Categories: one year old.

There’s a bear in there,
And a chair as well.
People with games,
And stories to tell… well, story time ain’t his favourite. Story time will actually get him off his dainty freckle and moving for the remote. But every other single “paste, paste, paste” and “Can you jump too?” filled second, he remains glued - eyes front, dummy in gob, smirk on face.

What a lucky generation he belongs to. PlaySchool is on tap. Recorded on the DVR/TiVo available 24/7, copied to DVD and available on tap at Nana and Papa’s house, not to mention the ones that are popped on Mumma’s iPhone. Yeah, that last one’s a doooozy! Bless you Steven Jobs. heh!

In my day… well, PlaySchool was on Mon-Fri at 3pm and if you missed it, you missed it! How did mother’s of the 70’s 80’s survive? I’m guessing Mrs Jobs was a nightmare in crinoline. How else could you explain it?

There’s so much crap on tv for the kids to be sucked in by. Bucket loads. So, we’re SO glad our little ratbag is casting a discerning eye. PlaySchool is the only thing he will stop for. The only thing that can hold his attention for the full 26 minutes. Nothing else cuts the mustard. Only PlaySchool.

Not that I have anything per se, against The Wiggles or Sesame Street. (If I have to choose, it will be Sesame Street.) But either seems innocuous enough. Not like the dander-raising virulent hate I have for High Five, Raggs The Dog (I don’t get it, his dog friend is in a wheelchair - wouldn’t they have just cut his leg off?) Dora the Explorer, Thomas the Tanked Engine or Jimmy BumFluff in Lycra Sing Moronically At You for 30 Minutes - no, if the kid had leanings towards any of that crap we would have listed him on eBay now with a low starting price. Yes, that stuff is retarded and treats kids like sugar fuelled morons (ok, so they know their audience) … It’s just the pox-filled over commercialisation of all the above that makes me want to punch shop assistants and maim the small children who whine full tilt, “Nooo Mummy, the Wiggles Cheese!” Ok, a BIG punch for Mummy too because really woman, if you give in to that shit, you’ve made your own bed. You can’t go a-n-y-w-h-e-r-e without being force fed a Wiggle Cup and Razor or a Dora The Explorer I’m Lost Kit Or Thomas The Tank Engine Ear Medicine.

PlaySchool doesn’t play that way, Jeeves. If they need something to play with, they make it! You don’t have a PlaySchool Mobile Phone you have a Juice Box, a straw and 5 yards of sticky tape. There is no Patent pending PlaySchool Fire Truck, there’s a VCR box stacked on a Kellogs box, beside a new toaster box from next door, four fruit cup lids and a clip on bike light. Paint that lot red, stick Big Ted in the ‘drivers seat’ and voila! You’re fighting fires with ironically combustible equipment! Wanna go fishing? Get out your blue crepe paper, bunches of marine coloured wool and cut out some paper plate fish - the next thing you know, you’re Jacques Cousteau.

We started making our own baby clothes when A) we couldn’t find any cute baby clothes that weren’t pink ‘n precious or blue ‘n bullshit. And B) when we couldn’t find ANTYHING UNBRANDED!!!! Going to buy this kid a pair of shoes, pj’s, t.shirt, life saving vest is like an exercise in futility. I can get one with Elmo on it. Or Charlee from High Five. Even nappies are branded! “Billy-Bob can only shit in Blue’s Clues.”

So gawd bless the ABC (not something I often say) and all who sail in ‘er. Thank you for PlaySchool. THANK YOU for Simon Burke on PlaySchool. Ah, the days Simon is on it’s a little something for Spike, and a little something for Mumma. Hmmm, Twinkle Twinkle would make SO much more sense if he sang it with his shirt off…

Note to self, call ABC with winning suggestion. Again.

Spike’s Mum xxoo

3 comments.

A New Career Path

Posted on July 10th, 2008 by Spike.
Categories: 1 & 1/2 ish.

Chefing is fine. If you like that kind of thing, but lately our boy has turned his hand to a new vocation.

Stunt Coordinating.

Line it up.

Push it over the edge of the crevasse.

Cut to the spill.

Pose for continuity.

Fire continuity person.

He assures us it’s a career path with more opportunity that the celebrity chef route he was toying with last month.

Eh, so long as he keeps his mother in the style to which she wishes to become accustomed… where’s the harm?

Mother Luxury xxxx

1 comment.

Cooking?!

Posted on May 22nd, 2008 by Spike.
Categories: 1 & 1/2 ish.

My mum said right from the git-go, “that kid will be a chef.” She said it mainly cause I used tea-towels instead of stupid tiny bibs when I fed him. They caught an appropriate amount of baby sick and were easy to wash. Well, he’s not quite doing any shifts at Joe’s Garage or The Supper Club yet but he l-o-v-e-s ‘cooking?!’ A handful of dried pasta and a few different boxes/bowls/cups to mix around with his own Ikea collection of spoons, whisks and egg slices - he’s a happy camper. He loves to watch the ‘cooking?!’ on the telly. Not a big fan of Jamie Oliver but thinks Manu Fieldel is quite amusing… (I guess it’s cause they both speak French so well).

Now, there’s always been lots of fun to be had at GrandMa and Papa’s house. There’s “Woof, Goo’ gorl” Mardhi and “Skwoork” the loud rooster. LOTS of room to go for a “walk, Papa?” in the garden, the little itty bitty baby baby grand piano to bang on, the bikes to ride and NOW there’s the contents of the pots ‘n pans cupboard.

Last week he was playing in the lounge with the contents of the kitchen piled about the place. He was mixing a ‘cay-ke’ and generally being busy, when he lifted the saucepan onto the top of the toy piano, ‘adjusted it’ in to the right spot then turned the imaginary knob just above the piano keys to “hot” - well, we knew he’d reached a new milestone. The kid cooks with imaginary gas. What a whacker!

Sure, he may over-salt your Margaritas and who doesn’t love a glassful of pepper to go with their water? Foam blocks served on the inside of a spectacle case are this seasons nouveau cuisine, I don’t care who you are! (also low carb and virtually, vegan!) I just wish he’d employ his own Sous Chef to clean up after him!

He’s also just started going to Play Group. Most of the kids are about 6 months older but he’s slipped in, no problems. I don’t think he’s ever seen that many kids, roughly his own size in the same spot ever before. “Hullo!” he said as he barged in and made himself at home. “Bike!” And he was off. One of the little boys turned 2 yesterday, so there was cake and singing. Spike sat on his bike and watched the gathering around the cake and yayed and clapped after the candles had been extinguished but there didn’t seem to be anything that would necessitate the relinquishing of the bike. The other kids ate cake and fought over the crumbs, Spike just cruised around happily “beep beeping” his way across the room. I guess when you’ve been cooking all day, the last thing you want to do is fight a tableful of toddlers for store bought cake. Aww, he’s our littlest foodie.

And like any great chef, he has his own signature dish.

He calls it, le Oeufs ‘n Choo-Choo’s. (eggs and trains on a whole wheat base)

Mumma xxoo

1 comment.

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